An orphan heart or orphan spirit is characterized by a feeling of not belonging. It carries with it a deep-seated sense of not being accepted, valued, honored, or loved.
If a child does not acquire self-confidence from their parents, it is unlikely that they will ever possess self-confidence as adults. Conversely, if a child does gain it in childhood it is unlikely that anything in adulthood will discourage them.
― M. Scott Peck
It causes one to live life as if he does not have a safe and secure place in the Father’s heart. He feels he has no place of affirmation, protection, comfort, belonging, or affection. Self-oriented, lonely and inwardly isolated, he has no one from whom to draw Godly inheritance.
― Jack Frost
Let's take a deeper look at some of the ways people with an orphan’s heart act out, and what are some of the things to be aware of. Listed below are some of the things you may see in them:
- They are very performance oriented
- They would rather have rules than relationships
- They have a fear-based theology rather than grace and mercy
- They feel that God does not love them or care about them even though they believe the Bible to be truth
- They find it very difficult to maintain close relationships
- They hold on to offenses, and they have a conditional love
- They blame others for things that are happening in their life and do not like to be responsible
- They run away from problems
- They reject authority
- They do not trust others and feel they do not belong
- They are full of envy, anger and want to control everything
- They feel condemnation and shame
- They desire the praise of man and want to be seen for what they do
- They are very critical of other people
I am sure all of us can think of someone that fits in this category. And we can see some of the things that may be in our own heart as well.
Any person that is not comfortable with love is not healed; many people have been able to hide the truth from the world of how bad they are hurting inside. Some people are able to hide it in working. We say, "Look at them; they are working so hard and are doing so well."
The real question is, "Why are they working so hard? What are they trying to prove?" We see so many people trying to prove to their fathers that they are worthy by working harder. And they say, "That's just the way I am," when the real issue is that they want people to see them as worthy because of their hard work.
Sadly enough, there are far too many people that hide the pain in alcoholism, drugs, or sex. And then there are the ones that do not hide it at all; they just become depressed or aggressive and violent. They display their hurt with emotional outbursts of anger, sadness, and depression.
More and more, we are trying to fix people with medication when it really is a spiritual problem. A person with an orphan's heart cannot feel love; they only look for what they can get from a relationship. Understand they are not bad people that just want to do wrong.
The orphan spirit operates out of fear because they do not believe they will receive anything, so they have to take everything they can get. No matter how much they get, they still do not believe they will ever get enough to survive. So they need to take more and more, and still, they will never get enough.
The orphan spirit will not give unless they know they will get something in return. They cannot love because they have been so wounded that it is not safe to reach out to take a chance on love. Their fear of rejection is so great they feel it is better to live without love then to take a chance on being rejected or hurt again.
The orphan spirit will turn to anger as a way to protect themselves, anger is control. Anger is a way to control fear, when someone has fear, they will use anger to gain control again. Perfect love casts out fear, so in other words, perfect love casts out anger.
Also, keep in mind that just because a person knows a great deal about the scripture and can remember a great amount of verses and recite them at will does not make them a healed and whole person.
Just because a person is a great leader and people love them does not mean they are healed. I have seen so many very powerful leaders that got there because they were so driven by fear.
They climb the ladder to be seen and to prove their worth, the problem is when everyone sees what they have done and the pats on the back cease, they need to do something else to get their approval fix, just like drug addict.
Sadly so many great leaders in business and ministry have built their success at the cost of their family. Their family has paid the price of the father seeking worthiness out of performance and not the value of being a father.
It may be that your father was not present for you because he was broken. He may have looked fine on the outside, but had the heart of an orphan on the inside.
- Did you suffer as your absent father became successful?
- Did you feel like the second-hand doll that was left over?
- Did you feel the abandonment as you watched them chase their dreams?
It is important to know that it was not your fault that they were broken and did not have anything to give you. You need to know that they were so empty that all they could do was run around looking for their next AFO (Affirmation from others).
You cannot take responsibility for the wrong actions of other people. If you want to walk in freedom you must understand that you did not cause them to turn away from you.
They made the choice because they did not have the emotional strength to deal with their own struggles. It was not your fault; you did not do anything to make them empty. They were empty before you met them, so it was not your fault.
- Are you able to freely give without expecting anything in return?
- Do you get angry when things do not work out the way you want them to?
- Do you see things you do in the above list?
- Are you afraid you will not get more?
- Are you ready to walk in freedom?
If you see that you have an orphan’s heart and you want to be free, I want you to read "The Father's Blessing" and receive it in your heart. Then I want you to ask the Holy Spirit to show you the truth of who you were when these people hurt you.
It is important that you are able to see that what they said or did to you does not make you what they said about you. It is very important that you are able to put into perspective who you are, not what they said you are.
Once more, ask the Holy Spirit to show you who you are to Him. Ask Him to show you who the Heavenly Father thinks you are. If you have not asked Jesus into your heart, please read the Ultimate Blessing to find true peace.
I love you,
Papa Ray
