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Everyone has a sincere desire to hear their father’s words of approval; every child wants to know that they are worthy and loved by their father. Fathers who are absent—physically or emotionally—have left a gaping hole in the fabric of our society.
I know the pain of abandonment. I know the sting of rejection. When I was about 4 years old, my father left my mother to raise three children by herself. My father ran off to chase the all-elusive dragon down the bottle and up the skirt of anything that would look his way.
I was angry and ashamed.
The cruel feelings of emptiness can still haunt the shadows of my mind even today if I do not cast them down and take control over them.
I want to stand in the gap for your father and speak a father’s blessing over you. I am sorry for the harsh words spoken to you that cut to the depths of your soul. I am sorry for words that were never spoken to you that could have affirmed and encouraged you. I am sorry you were wounded.
You are worthy to be loved and blessed. You are not worthless, not good for nothing. You can be set free from the bondage of all the harsh words and curses that were spoken to you, or over you, just the same way I did.
Your worth is not based on what other people say or think about you. It does not matter if they love or hate you, your true worth and freedom comes from God, the real Father—the one who formed you before the world began. He says you are priceless. He says your value cannot be measured.
The Father’s blessing is a benediction spoken over you to affirm your value, acknowledge your worth, invoke favor and protection, and encourage you in your identity. If you have never had a father speak these kinds of words over you, I invite you to take the time to read the blessing or listen to the video and receive these words of encouragement from my heart to your heart. You are worthy to be loved.
I love you,
Papa Ray
A love deficit, or lack of real love that is not filled, will not be healed. The Father’s Blessing is written to share the love and affirmation you may never have had in your life. In this blessing, I stand in the place of your father and speak these powerful words of affirmation over you.
As you receive this blessing, it will transform how you see yourself and the world around you.
When I was 33 years old, I allowed things of the past to drag me down to the point where I was in life-crippling depression. I would sleep 8-10 hours and wake up mentally and emotionally exhausted.
I knew the ship was sinking and all I could do was sit there with a bucket in my hand and watch it fill up with water. In my mind, I was on a massive cruise ship and felt like, “Why even try to bail out the water when in reality, I am sinking—going under!” My depression had blinded me to what I should have done ... “Even God does not hear me,” I thought.
I reached out for help, but no one was willing to help me.
I was feeling completely broken, my dreams were slipping away, and all I heard was, "Just get over it," and "Go out and work.”
I cried out for help and attention in not-so-good ways because I did not see any other way. I looked to the church for help, and I saw that they did not have the answers. I saw they were just as broken as I was, they were just a lot better at hiding it.
One day as I was sharing a little bit of my story with a men's group, one of the men asked me a very important question, “So how did you get over it, what did you do to get through it?"
I first had to look at my pain. The lack of my father’s love left a deep wound. I needed a father’s blessing. I could’t conceive of God as a loving and kind Father when I could’t forgive the father I had here on earth.
I remember as a young child, my father would call and tell us about the big deals he was working on. He would say things like, “I just invested $10,000 in oil wells for you boys."
I would get so excited that finally we would not have to scrape and scratch to get what we needed. Finally, we could buy the things we liked, not just the cheapest things. Mom would say, "Do not believe it because he will not do it."
Of course he never came through with any of his promises. Because my father abandoned us and always let us down, I felt that God in Heaven was going to be the same.
If you have not known the Father in Heaven or you feel He is out of reach or that He is too busy for you, I want you to receive the earthly father's blessing to break the strongholds of thinking that you are not worthy or that He is not good.
The Father’s Blessing will break the thought patterns of feeling rejected or abandoned. It was the power of words that caused the bondage of hurt in your heart, and it is the power of the words that will break this bondage.
Receiving the Father’s Blessing will allow you to take the next step to forgive the people who hurt you in your past. Forgiveness does not make them right or make you wrong. Forgiveness does not mean that you need to go and be around that person again.
It is okay to not be around people who will only hurt you again. Forgiveness means that you will not hold them in debt for what they did wrong. When you can let them go, you are the one who will be free.
As you read or listen to this Father’s Blessing, know that it is not taking the place of what only the Holy Spirit can do; this blessing is only a way to help you begin to tear down the walls in your heart that are stopping you from walking in freedom.
Receive the blessing. Receive the Father’s love.
Papa Ray
Fathers are different than mothers. A mother nurtures and protects. A father challenges kids to push themselves to their limits. Fathers tend to rough-house, while mothers tend to cuddle. Moms will modify their language and speak more simply, so communication is direct and immediate. Dads are not as inclined to do this, so communication requires a child to expand vocabulary and embrace more abstract concepts earlier.
Mothers often discipline with grace and sympathy, while fathers tend to enforce rules more sternly. They are more likely to let a child feel consequences without a filter, while a mom may step in and try to soften the blows of life and intervene. A good father helps both boys and girls understand the expression of masculinity and strength in positive ways. They see sacrifice, work ethic, provision, protection and defense, and experience love in a different way than is expressed from their mother.
Both roles are vital. When one or the other role is missing, things get out of balance.
The absent father is a big problem all over the world. Research has shown that behavior problems, delinquency, depression, substance abuse, and overall psychological adjustment are all more closely linked to dad's rejection than rejection from mothers. See Sobering Statics for more.
When children grow up with a dad who is absent, whether physically or just emotionally, they are growing up with an orphan's heart. This does’t mean they live in a far off country in an actual orphanage, this means they feel alone and not cared for by a father.
Children with an orphan’s heart are children of the humble and poor as well as the intelligent and wealthy people everywhere around the world. They are the children, youth, and adults that do not feel the love of their father or mother. They are adults all over the world that never felt the love of their parents. They have an orphan’s heart.
Even those who grow up with well-meaning parents who love them may not feel love, no matter the reason, and develop an orphan's heart. They will become just as wounded as the person that does not have a father or mother.
The child's heart of any age can become so hardened that no matter how hard the parent tries, the child's heart is closed. Most people will carry the pain of their childhood to their grave and never know the joy of being free.
A father is important because he is our first picture of God, the Father. Every earthly father misses the mark, lets his children down, fails, and wounds his kids—no matter if he is a loving, involved dad or an absentee father. These wounds make it hard for us to embrace God as Father as a good and loving being who always has our best interest at heart, always stays by our side, and never lets us down. Fathers are important because they teach us how to respond to God.
Pure joy can only come from the assurance of having Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, from embracing God as our heavenly Father. If you have never experienced the peace of knowing Him as your Savior, please read the article, "The Ultimate Blessing."
We have seen the incredible power of the Father's Blessing completely change and transform people of all ages, races, and cultural backgrounds. The blessing helps break the chains that bind a person's heart. And when the person's heart is open, the love of Christ can flow through them.
Are you ready to walk in freedom? No matter what kind of father you have or have had, are you ready to be whole and let go of your past so you can live life to the fullest?
Receive the father’s blessing in your heart and hold on to the fact that you are loved, and you are worthy! Let go of the lies from your pass and hold on to the truth.
I know that you will be blessed as you learn to let go and be free.
I love you,
Papa Ray
Is an absent father part of the root cause for violence?
Here are some very real and sobering statistics about what happens when a father is not present and involved in a child’s life.
Because only a portion of each age group grew up in a fatherless home, these statistics translate to mean that children from fatherless homes are: